Sunday, May 29, 2011

Life style choices, fairweather friends? whats next...

So i havnt been able to post lately, and this post is from the top of my head. just going to type it all out and hope you guys dont judge too harshly.  to be honest i havn't even wanted to post because of how crazy everything has been. ive done a good job avoiding drama but ended up going down an old road that i know all too well and got right back on the wagon. someone that i just met turned into a pyscho in only 5 days of hanging out. its crazy how fast people can flip on you. worst part is i was actualy trying to help said person out and spent way too much money on her. nothing romantic, i wasnt even attracted to her. i just wanted to help.  sucks being a people pleaser sometimes, tired of being taken advantage of. at least my assertivness allows me to see it happening and i can avoid being dragged into the full on conflict now after what ive learned the past few months.  so i got rid of that.. thank god.

aside from that crazy girl i wrecked my car on friday. i was driving home after dropping a friend off.  out of no where an 18 wheeler clipped my bumper and sent me spinning into a ditch, where i woke up i guess 30 minutes later.  my car is destroyed but drivable, hondas are beasts man im tellin you! lol  But just go figure, i start trying to make the right choices in life and this is where i end up. all i want is a nice car, nice house, nice job, and a nice girl to come home to. i just want to be happy. it seems like its just too much to ask for at this time.

for some reason god wants me alive or else i would be dead, i should be dead. my car took a bite out of a hill bounced off and im still breathing. how crazy is that? this isnt the first time something like this has happened.  and its not the craziest either, if i was to tell about what happened to me a couple years ago you wouldnt even believe me, im talking straight out of the movies type of shit. crazy.

so i really am blessed, and im trying to stay positive. but this has been a major set back for me. i just spent 2 grand repairing the car and now this happens. i thought things were making a turn for the better, i remember repeating something i heard about luck. the only thing true about luck is that it is always bound to change. well when the fuck is my chance for some good luck. when will something good happen to me without having to pay a price. why cant i just have a handout for once.  who am i kidding, im alive i shouldnt be thinking like that right? whatever...

not to mention threats at my life due to leading the wrong lifestyle and dealing with the wrong kinds of people. to quote a friend, if i cant handle the game its time to get out and leave it to the real gangsters. well im sick of it all and im ready to just hop a one way flight and get the hell out of dodge.  so when it comes to dealing with drama and all other sorts of craziness i think the most important thing for everyone is to focus on staying in touch with some sort of god or higher power and making damn sure the people places and things you are involving yourself with are not going to lead you into bad situations... hope that makes sense.

its really simple, everything that has happened to me has been because of my fucked up decisions and lifestyle choices.  if you know what im talking about and are going through the same thing you need to run away before you end up dead, almost dead like me, or hit some kind of rock bottom which is never pretty.

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